||[May. 1st, 2010|10:02 am]
he's like a drug.|
he makes me happy.
he makes me want to dance and paint and sing...even if i suck at all of the above
he makes me forget. i feel calm when im with him. and a little more confident than when im not.
he makes me not want to smoke. not need to smoke.
he's all the drugs i need.
like a drug, when i dont get my fix, im sad or anxious or upset...but for other reasons. not for the drug...for the hurt it numbs. and so i wont tell him. it wont change what is.
he played a song for me. Spirals by Adem.
"You marked the back of my hand with a heart, and some tiny dots, and a spiral that together spell 'I want you.'"
i painted him a heart and a spiral and some tiny dots after a day we spent together. and i meant it. he made me super happy that day and that night. and the next day i realized he doesnt want to leave cuz of her...not cuz of me..and it hurt my heart. and i needed to smoke. i dont want to give it to him now. its not finished either. maybe ill finish it next time i fall for him again. but for now its hiding...ill decide may 14th whether he should have it or not.
what do you think?